Does anyone love "Dear Undercover Economist" as much as I do?

[barbosa2007]

Dear Economist,

My husband and I have two bonny children already, and another on the way. But the eldest child, Alasdair, is becoming wilful and we have a problem with discipline. We threaten punishment, but he misbehaves anyway and then we don’t have the heart to punish him. Is there anything you can suggest?

- Sylvia Graham, Edinburgh

Dear Sylvia,

Let’s think about the problem logically. Game theory is the tool of choice for any such interaction. First, Alasdair decides whether to be naughty. Then you decide whether or not to punish him. He prefers to be naughty only if unpunished, and you prefer only to threaten punishments that are not carried out.

There are two equilibria to the game: the one you complain about, when he is naughty and you do not punish him; and the one you want, when you punish him if he is naughty but don’t have to carry out the punishment because he is good.

If the second equilibrium sounds implausible, that’s because it is. Economists call this a “non-subgame-perfect equilibrium”: in other words, when Alasdair calls your bluff, you back down.

No wonder you find yourself in the unwanted, subgame perfect equilibrium. Economists have long known that in a one-off situation, you will never make your threat credible. But never fear, you will play this game again and again, both with Alasdair and your younger children. That changes the dynamic completely.

It is crucial to establish a reputation for toughness. Remember that when you punish Alasdair, you have lost the battle but are winning the war: the discomfort of imposing discipline should be weighed against the future misbehaviour you are preventing. As your reputation as a disciplinarian becomes established, your children’s behaviour will improve.

Perhaps this all seems like common sense, but you should be aware that two Nobel prizes have been awarded for this analysis. Economists have worked hard to demonstrate to you that sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

Credit:
Tim Harford , "Dear Undercover Economist" by Little, Brown (2009)
GIF by kimi-no-kao@tumblr



I knew that when I came up for the title to my previous Kazoku Game post, I had read it somewhere else before. Why is it that some of my favorite non-fiction writers always turn out to be British?

Comments

[i-am-zan.livejournal.com]

Because for better or worse (in my case literally) the Brits sometimes do have unfailing common sense. And Tea ...

And as a parent I learnt early on ...never break your promise to your child. This is for both the good stuff and the bad, the treats alongside the threats. If you can't honour your word, your child simply loses respect, and worse , loses faith in you.

Children are pretty sharp and canny humans. They can sense a bluff, and will have no qualms in calling it, if they think they can get away with it. They will push the envelope if you let them. Thus from the outset you need to set your targets, and limits. Then work towards these goals together. Sometimes the hardest thing for a parent though is the realisation that some are just not doable, and may need to readjust. Another thing parents need to realise is that no two children will be alike ... and accept this truth.

If you make a threat, make sure it's a doable one and doesn't ask for the moon. I've only ever had to threaten my boy once ... that if he misbehaves at a party I will take him home. And I have. I up and left with him in the middle of a party going full swing. All his friends looking on, all my friends and the other parents looking on. He never did it again.

My daughter lost her school ez link card ... immediately after I topped it up with sizable amount of cash. I made her walk home ... From Boon Lay to Jurong East Central (where we live)- I did walk it with her. All two hours of every step. In the heat and humidity.

Credit to both my children, that they have not held such transgressions against me. ^_^

They know that if I make a promise, come hell or high water I will make good on it.

Ahhh the trials and tribulations of parenting ... damn I do wish there was a one size fits all approach ... sadly (and actually thankfully) there isn't one. This is my journey as much as it is theirs.