barbosa2007 | Arashi in Shiyagare 22.12.2012

From part 6, 3:53

U1 and U2 - Unjash
Ma - Matsuko

U1: Next up, we have the Matsujun problem!
Kaba: Hang on, he was being such a great guy!
U1: He was pouring the tea for you, huh?
U2: Even though he's a nice guy, he's problematic!
J: What, what?
U1: Please explain the Matsujun problem.
J: What's my problem?
Ma: I don't know how I should approach you. Well actually, you don't have to interact with us on programs like this, right?
J: What do you mean?
Ma: You don't have to do this. I mean, Arashi doesn't have to interact with transvestites, right?
J: Um hmm.
Ma: Amidst all that, I don't know I should approach you to talk to you.
U1: But are you okay with the other members?
Ma: This guy, [points to Nino] I mean, no matter what you say to him, he's just such a sourpuss, right?
N: [snickers in embarrassment] Well, well, yeah.
Ma: So I can approach him, thinking, he's just a sourpuss.

Ma: And Leader's kinda... he's a creature that's rather like myself.

U1: HE'S TOTALLY DIFFERENT!
[general mayhem]
Ma: You fools say "Eh~" in response to EVERYTHING!

Ma: In the sense that somehow, people can't really get us.
U1: People find it hard to grasp what you're about?
Ma: That's right!
N: It's his character.
Ma: For Sho-kun, no matter what I say, he assumes the appearance of being interested and responds to me accordingly. [THIS! Matsuko has Arashi down pat!]
U1: The APPEARANCE of being interested, yes?
Ma: Yes, no matter what kind of Tom, Dick or Harry he's talking to, he's kind enough to assume this appearance of being interested.
N: He's kind, yes?

Ma: Then for Aiba-chan, I had the privilege of acting in a drama together with him.
A: That's right.
Ma: So I can just go up to him, thinking, he's a nice elder brother! Even though he's not my elder brother or anything!
U1: But the problematic one is...
Ma: The problem lies in THIS GUY! [refers to Jun]
J: What? What?
U1: You have no idea how to interact with him?
Ma: What, what-- what kind of person are you?
[Jun gives this WTF face]

N: On the other hand, how do you guys [the transvestites] perceive him?
Ma: Mitsu-san, what do you think of what I said of Matsujun-san just now?
J: Why did you add on the "san" just now?
[Matsuko was unconsciously being formal towards Jun.]

Mitsu: He's someone whom you would unthinkingly attach a "-san" to his name.
Ma: THAT'S IT! YOU ARE SO RIGHT!
Mitsu: Unconsciously, I'd attach a "-san" to his name. [indicating that they can't address him casually, and hence there's a distance between them.]
U1: Is it because you all are being considerate?
Ma: We don't bother going through the motions!
U1: It's more of, by the time you realized, you've already attached the "-san"?
Ma: That's right.

Ma: How about Haruna?
Ha: How about it? Well, I think he probably adores himself, although I love him to bits too. Erm, we all go to the make-up room, right? So he was already there when I entered the dressing room. I take quite a long time to do up my make-up.
U1: Yeah.
Ha: So when I finished doing my make-up, glanced to my side, he was still at it! As I wondered, what WAS he doing all this while? He was staring at the mirror and doing this... [fiddles with her fringe]
J: Hey, hey. I do NOT do that.
Ha: Yes you were! When you were fiddling with your hair while looking in the mirror, I LOVED watching that. <3
S: So it's an anecdote about what you like about him, yeah?

U1: So how do you view it? Your [interaction] with the transvestites.
Ma: What do you think?
J: I just think I'm here to have fun.
U1: So can they come at you with all they've got?
J: Sure.
Mitsu: But you know, we just can't.
Ma: You know what I'm talking about, right?

Ma: If I were to state an extreme example, for the other 4 members, I could probably fondle their XXXX.
Ha: Ewwww!
N: It's an extreme example! [shakes finger]
Ma: For example, if [Ohno] were next to me, I could just erm, roll it up; it feels as if I could do it with the other 4 if I went with the flow.I wouldn't do it, of course, unless you told me to. But I can't do it to him.
J: Why? Is it because I might get angry?
Ma: Well, well... I wonder what it is... Maybe it's a bit of that too.
U1: How about it? If she fondled you in the heat of the moment, would you get angry?
J: I wouldn't.
U1: See?
S: So with respect to the "rolling it up" problem, you could go for it with the other 4 members?
Ma: Yeah, it's more of the "rolling it up" problem, rather than the Matsujun problem.

J: Have you ever encountered someone who's like me?
Ma: I guess I'm quite impudent in the sense that I can totally [fondle] someone who's a big shot, but I probably haven't met someone who's quite like you.
Ha: Maybe the truth is that you really like Matsujun?
Chris: That's right! You like him!
Ha: That's why you're conscious of this and don't want him to dislike you.
Ma: That's erm... well it's rather presumptuous of me to say this, but NO. Never!

[Look at Jun's face! He's been rejected by Matsuko!]

Ma: See! I told you I was being presumptuous!
[some more mayhem]
Ma: Conversely, it's not as if I like the other 4 so much that I want to fondle them. Well, if you're not going to get angry, then I'll fondle you the next time I stand next to you. Since you said you wouldn't get angry, I'll do it! We've resolved the "roll it up" problem!
U1: So [Matsuko] can go for it without minding himself too much, right?
J: Sure, no problem.
U1: "No problem"?
J: Yeah, it's not a problem. Although I can't promise what's going to happen after that.
Ma: SEE! I told you this guy was going to say such things!

[Caption: The Transvestite summit comes to a close.]

J: WHAT. We're ending with this!?